Dec 17th 2023, I was giving my thanks to the Lord during the church monthly birthday celebration. One of things I was thankful for was that the year went well and I didn't have any problem at all. Now, thinking about it, that's one of the reasons kung bakit naging complacent ako sa spiritual life ko. Because there's nothing to pray for, I stopped praying. And even meditating on God's Word.
The next day was my birthday, Dec 18th. Waal akong planong maghanda or lumabas dahil tight ang budget. Pero dahil sa mapilit ang mga kapatid ko, napilitan mag decide kahit dinner lang. That's when I got into an accident and the front of the car was really damaged. Still thankful to the Lord na walang taong nasaktan. But I was so frustrated up to now kase hindi pa din nagagawa ang kotse. Marami akong what ifs that time.
The new year came, I was very thankful still to the Lord dahil hindi ako nawalan ng schedule sa work kase more than half ang laging walang schedule kapag start ng year. 2024 schedule ay naka fri sat off ako whuch makes me more prepared physically sa outreach. I am very happy sa work schedule ko. But just today, nalagay na naman ako sa weekdays off. I've been crying the whole day kahit nung nah da dial ako. Just to think na hindi ako makakasimba, breaks my heart at natatakot ako what would become of me if I will miss worshipping on the Lord's day. Today I am so tired physically and mentally. Nagagalit ako kay Gilbert, sa unfairness sa work. Wala akong malapitan sa work dahil wala naman akong backer, I can only rely on God na ma approve ang request ko kahit Sunday off lang. This made me pray more.
Since September last year, I've been praying sa Lord patungkol sa aking single life. I never thought na mabo broken hearted ako kahit wala naman akong lovelife. I waited for so many years na akala ko he is just waiting for the right time to pursue me. I was wrong, asyumera talaga ang mga babae. I have mixed feelings hindi lang sa kanya kundi sa mga kapatiran. I felt betrayed dahil sa nakikita kong support nila sa niretong babae. Pero dahil calvinist ako, I believe in the sovereignty of my God. I may be destined to live a single life, find love in old age, hindi ko alam pero I trust the Lord sa plano nya sa buhay ko. I'm hurting, but that made me pray more and trust in Him alone.
Kaya the start of this year ay talagang mahirap para sa akin, in contrary to what I have experienced last year. The pain in heart minsan it feels so real na naiiyak na lang ako. But despite of all these things na pinag dadaanan ko ngayon, there's no one I can rely on but the Lord. It made me seek His Words and come to Him in prayer more. Alam ng Panginoon ang kailangan ko para hindi ako maligaw ng landas. I look forward kung paano ko malalagpasan ang mga bagay na to knowing that the Lord will be with me.
O LORD, in your strength the king rejoices, and in your salvation how greatly he exults!
You have given him his heart's desire and have not withheld the request of his lips. Selah
For you meet him with rich blessings; you set a crown of fine gold upon his head.
He asked life of you; you gave it to him, length of days forever and ever.
His glory is great through your salvation; splendor and majesty you bestow on him.
For you make him most blessed forever; you make him glad with the joy of your presence.
For the king trusts in the LORD, and through the steadfast love of the Most High he shall not be moved. (Psalm 21:1-7, ESV)
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