It’s July now and so many things have happened already. I left Junghwa, I live alone now. I also left Nasom. So basically, I am all by myself. But what’s surprising is I am more at peace right now. Without all the gossips around me. I am more focused with my work, nothing to worry about. All will fail, even the so called friends that you used to trust before. The people whom you laughed with and shared your secrets, pains and dreams. It is so innate to human to be selfish. To have the desire to be always above others. To covet what others have to put down even your brethren. I see these in people even in my self.
May mga kaibigan na kaibigan lang kung hindi sila ma incovenient, kung walang sacrifice. Nakakalungkot isipin na kailangan may gawin kang mabuti para ma gain ang friendship ng iba. Kapag wala kang maiooffer, bahala ka. Dami ko ng na experience sa pakikipag kaibigan, one thing is for sure, iiwan at iiwan ka nila.
Ngayon, sa Seoul Covenant Church ako nag sisimba. From May to August, umaattend lang talaga ako. Walang kakilala o kakausap man sa church. Pero kahit ganun, walang Sunday na umalis ako ng church na hindi ko nakatagpo ang Panginoon. Thankfully, women's bible study opened at nakilala ko si Katie Jo. She invited me to attend the study, and we ended up in the same group! I met Jesslyn who has a very cute voice. She and her husband even gave me some kitchen stuff which I really loved 😊 I met Amy who is very friendly. I feel so at ease sa kanya. She already bought me coffee and she even paid for my Knowing Christ book, such an angel. Parang baby girl nya na super cute naman talaga! Jules is also in my study group, she looks so intellectual. I love her wisdom, I can feel how much she is working on knowing her Savior. There is also Tamar who I feel just a little tiny bit intimidated. Ewan ko kung bakit, siguro dahil na mispronounce ko pangalan nya nung first meeting namin 😅 Tawagin ko ba namang "Jaymart". Kase sa pinas matigas ang pronounciation ng Tamar, nakalimutan ko mga native English speaker nga pala sila. Kaya medyo hirap ako to express myself sa bs at mga kwentuhan, ang fluent kase nila haha 😂
September na ngayon kase nakalimutan ko tapusin ang blog na to. Nabasa ko ang email sakin dati ni Pastor Joey nung sinabi ko sa kanya na I will stay longer dito sa Korea. His prayer was for me to continually grow and not stagnate or deteriorate in faith and to guard my heart well. Naiyak ako, dahil alam ko I didn't grow sa lagpas 2 years ko na dito sa Korea. That is one of the cost of my decision na mag work dito. And that is now the reason kung bakit gustong gusto ko na umuwi.
Pero kung iisipin kong mabuti, it was all my fault bakit di ako nag grow. Hindi ko pedeng isisi sa mga tao sa paligid ko dahil I can decide if I will let them affect me in my Christian walk. Hindi ang church kase I chose to stay in Nasom. It was all my fault dahil naging tamad ako at nafocus ang mata ko sa mga hindi importanteng bagay.
This September, I joined the Knowing Christ bible study group after the worship service. I pray this will be my new stepping stone in having intimate relationship with Christ again. I pray I will not take advantage again of how forgiving the Lord is. I pray I will be more determined in truly knowing Christ, my Lord and my Savior.
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